Robert Somma is the Spawn of the Devil

Beware of This Man

Take a good look at this man for he is Robert Somma and he is the root of all evil. Somma is to me as Rozzi is to Mike for I hate him with every fibre of my body. Rob was my roomate one semester and even though he has no idea how to classify music, possesses no athletic skill, and is a horrible waste of human life he still claims to be a better bass player than John Entwistle, John Paul Jones, and Ed Palange. One can find Somma playing his cheap Epiphone Les Paul, or perhaps poorly driving his Mustang (the Muxmobile). Somma's other interests are growing his hair, watching wrestling, playing my video games, and being a perpetual source of discouragement. At night he can be found at the Malibu diner ordering the Holy Trinity (Cheese Fries, Mozzarella Sticks, and Chicken Fingers), an idea I started. Despite being my nemesis Somma amuses me. Die Somma, Die a horrible death.

Somma Wrecks His Car Again!!

So I was driving with Justin to go get some new strings for my Gibson when Justin points out an accident on the road. As we stop for the stoplight by the Lincoln Tunnel we note that the car in the wreck is none other than the Muxmobile and driven by none other than Robert Somma. Apparently Somma just rear ended some guy in an SUV trying to merge with traffic. Could Somma be any worse of a driver? So next we do what every person would do seeing their helpless friend stuck on the side of the highway next to the wrecked pieces of his life. We drove right by him and got my guitar strings. I later called him on the phone to ask him why he wrecked his car. Here's a paraphrase of that conversation.

Me: "Hey Somma why did you wreck your car?"
Somma: "How do you know already?"
Me: "I was there we saw it."
Somma: "And you didn't stop!"
Me: "Nope"
Somma: "I hate you."
Way to go Somma why don't you learn how to drive.

Somma Inspired Haiku

You are always there
Sitting on my yellow couch
Why have you not died?

You should go driving
I hope your blue car explodes
and flies of a cliff.

Donated by Mike

Somma thinks he's cool
but he's from Connecticut
what a friggin tool.

What's that on your head
Some attempt at an afro?
Somma you're not black.

Donated by Ty (Who has never met Somma)

Rob, i know you not
But i think i dislike you
Because of Ed's page

Not Jack Nicholson The High Life

All comments on this page are purely in good fun as I do not actually hate Robert Somma or wish him any harm